Friday, July 23, 2010
A New Version of Orpheus
It all started in the early of January, while Orpheus was playing music in the Eagle Rock park. Everybody enjoy the way how Orpheus played his music. It made everyone want to dance by the joy of the music he played. So, as he was walking by in the park playing his music, he heard a noise from a tree, but ignored and continued playing on his music. Then, he heard the noise began. Since his music was being able to do anything,(everybody thought that it wasn't true and he was crazy) he still continued to play. Then a women came out of a tree and was named Erudices. They both fell in love together and got married. But one day, while they both were in the Eagle Rock park, Orpheus was playing music. While Orpheus was playing music, Erudices was wodering off the park, she began to have a nice walk. Suddenly, Erudices got bitten by a rattle snake and Erudices died. Orpheus didn't knew until he found her laying down. He got so upset, that he would have never played music ever agained. Later on, people had begged him to play music, but he refused to. When it was to late, the people killed and buried him in the park. Nobody ever saw him again.
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You have a lot of grammatical mistakes. You may want to fix them before first day of school.
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